On Preoccupation

Posted on Apr 29, 2019 into Scribbles

So, I’m sitting in a Starbucks on one of the most frequented streets of Prague’s city centre, sipping my soy milk latte enhanced by a serious load of cinnamon, taking a moment to think between blood draws and a scheduled appointment with my psychiatrist. Things have been insane lately. I kept criscrossing this city of a million only to return to a home that is located some 20 kilometers from where I’m now. Basically exactly the way I described it in the post on visiting home And because I do not drive at this point, the routine waiting for a bus followed by number of transfers simply got to me. Again.

Well, yesterday, I decided that it’s not worth stretching myself, even if the scheduled activity seems urgent or has a prospect of being enjoyable. I am an introvert who enjoyes spending nights awake in front of my computer, switching between gaming and work at my leisure. And that’s what I’m gonna do. Since my new, awesome job with Shoptet allows some home office, I can actually do that and choose to come to the office whenever I deem myself fit to or when an urge for social interaction pops up.

That sounds real and very appealing, right? Well, there still is the matter of medical appointments. There’s genetics this Friday and oncology next Monday. And then all the stuff potentially leading to my last surgery, which is supposed to put my body back into it’s original configuration. Minus the cancer, obviously. And the question at hand is whether I want to undergo it asap, as it was originally agreed. That greatly depends on the equation between mental and physical health.

Since nothing puts my life in danger at this point, I estimate the physical health variable to take on a near constant yet suboptimal value. The mental dimension, on the other hand, continues being fairly volatile albeit sticking to a tolerable mode bracket. And I don’t want to endanger that, which I fear could happen, given my experience from the previous hospitalization.

Some time ago, my mom shared a videointerview with the vanguard blogger who aims to destigmatize and alleviate public shame from having a colostomy. Wonderful initiative indeed, with a great degree of evident success, in spite of her not being of marginally intelligent or linguistically agile. Anyway, what she made me realize is the extent of invasiveness such procedure exhibits and the risks it implies. I could go through all that I recount in earlier post on cancer.

I don’t think that is the best idea I’ve ever had. And so boring yet enjoyable life of a slightly damaged data analyst it is. I won’t be thriving in the physical dimension but… Don’t Forget That Brains Attract. Don’t Forget To Be Awesome! DFTBA.

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